9 Secrets for Instant
Self-Confidence
1. Smile
The one-second tip for when you’re feeling nervous and
unconfident is simply to smile! You don’t just smile because you are happy and
confident – you can smile to make yourself feel better. The act of smiling is
so strongly associated with positive feelings that it’s almost impossible to
feel bad while smiling.
“Smiling is much
more then just a facial expression. The simple act of smiling releases
feel-good endorphins, improves circulation to the face, makes you feel good
about yourself in general and can definitely increase your self confidence. …
you will also appear more confident to others while you’re smiling.”
2. Make eye contact
As well as smiling, meet the eyes of other people in the
room. Give them your smile; you’ll almost certainly get one back, and being
smiled at is a great self-confidence boost. Like smiling, eye contact shows
people that you’re confident. Staring at your shoes or at the table reinforces
your feelings of self-doubt and shyness.
This tip is particularly useful for work-related situations
– make eye contact with interviewers, or with the audience for your
presentation:
“Eye contact helps
take the fear away from the speaker by getting the audience closer to him. Stress
is mainly a result of being with the unknown and uncontrollable. Eye contact
gives the speaker a picture of the reality that is the audience. It also helps
in getting the attention of the audience.”
3. Change your inner voice
Most of us have a critical inner voice that tells us we’re
stupid, not good enough, that we’re too fat, thin, loud, quiet… Being able to
change that inner voice is key to feeling self-confident on the inside, which
will help you project your confidence to the world. Make your inner voice a
supportive friend who knows you fully but also recognizes your talents and
gifts, and wants you to make the best of yourself.
“You still want to
be able to hear the message, so don’t make it so chilled and laid back that you
never take any notice of it. You can even choose 2, 3 or as many voices as you
want for different occasions. Your voice should always support you, always be
helpful, never aggressive and it never puts you down.”
4. Forget other people’s standards
Whatever the situation that’s causing you a crisis of
self-confidence, you can help yourself immeasurably by holding yourself to your
own standards alone. Other people have different values from you, and however
hard you try, you’ll never please everyone all of the time. Don’t worry that
people will think you’re too overweight, underweight, too feckless, too boring,
too frugal, too frivolous … hold yourself to your standards, not some imagined
standards belonging to others. And remember that commonly-held values and
standards vary from society to society: you don’t have to accept them just
because the people around you do.
“People’s values
define what they want personally, but morals define what the society around
those people want for them. Certain behaviors are considered to be desirable by
a given society, while others are considered to be undesirable. For the most
part, however, morals are not written in stone, or proclaimed by God above, but
instead reflect local sensibilities. Different societies have different ideas
about what is acceptable and not acceptable.”
Even if you’ve only got a minute or two, duck into the
bathroom to make sure you’re looking your best. Brushing your hair, giving your
face a good wash, retouching your makeup, straightening your collar, checking
you’ve not got a bit of parsley stuck between your teeth … all of these can
make the difference between feeling confident in your physical appearance and
feeling anxious about an imagined flaw.
“Perfect your
physical appearance: There’s no denying that one’s grooming plays a crucial
role in building confidence. Although we know what’s on the inside is what
truly counts, your physical appearance will be the first to create an
impression.”
5. Pray or meditate briefly
If you believe in a higher power, whether God, or another
spiritual force, it can be a real boost to self-confidence to say a silent
prayer. (You could also meditate instead of praying.) This helps you to take a
step back from your immediate situation, to see the wider picture and to seek
help from something or someone greater than yourself. This is a Christian
prayer, but you could write something similar that fits your own religious
beliefs or spiritual tradition:
“Dear God, thank
you that you love and accept me as I am … please help me to do the same … and
help me to grow to become the person you want me to be so that my
God-confidence and self-confidence will increase greatly—all for the glory of
your name and not mine. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Amen.”
(Daily Encounter, Strengthen Your Self-Confidence, Acts
International)
6. Reframe
If something unexpected happens, it’s easy to let it knock
your fledgling self-confidence. Perhaps you spill your drink on someone, you
arrive late for the big meeting because of traffic problems, or someone who you
wanted to speak to gives you a cold brush-off. Try to “reframe” the situation;
put it in the best possible light: often, events are only negative because of
the meaning we attach to them.
7. Find the next step
Keep your self-confidence up by taking gradual steps
forwards, rather than freezing when faced with what seems like a giant leap. If
you’re not sure what to do, look for one simple step that you can take to make
progress. That might mean making eye contact at a party, introducing yourself
to a stranger, breaking the ice in a meeting, or asking a question of your
interviewers that shows your knowledge of their industry and company.
“Start taking
action even if you don’t have a clear idea of what needs to be done. Start
moving towards your goal. Make corrections later.”
8. Speak slowly
An easy tip for both seeming and being more self-confidence
is to speak slowly. If you gabble, you’ll end up feeling worse as you know
you’re being unclear to your audience or to the person you’re in a conversation
with. Speaking slowly gives you the chance to think about what you’re going to
say next. If you’re giving a talk or presentation, pause at the end of phrases
and sentences to help your audience take in what you’ve said.
“A person in
authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who
feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t
want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to.”
9. Contribute something
Have you ever sat through an entire class at college or
meeting at work without saying a word? Have you had an evening out where
friends chatted happily while you sat and stared silently at your drink?
Chances are, you weren’t feeling very self-confident at the time – and you
probably felt even worse afterwards. Whatever the situation you’re in, make an
effort to contribute. Even if you don’t think you have much to say, your
thoughts and perspective are valuable to those around you.
“By making an
effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a
better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a
leader by your peers.”
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